How to be an Alcoholic

One day, not so long ago, I drank so much alcohol that I bled into the toilet. After 5 silent, appalled seconds, I numbly flushed, got on a trans-atlantic plane Continue reading →

Full Beards, Empty Air and Reinvention at 6000m

Travelling is almost exactly like internet dating, minus the prospect of sex. With both activities, you always spend more money than you wanted to, you always get that niggling feeling Continue reading →

Corazon Valiente

Days blend into one, don’t they? Days, weeks, months, lifetimes – they come and go like clouds in the sky until there is no sky left, just the setting of Continue reading →

Shelve your inner bastard

Whilst I enjoy ripping to shreds the ridiculous spectacle of the white man/woman out of their element, it does tend to take the edge off my own personal enrichment process. Continue reading →

Words fail me

Remember that game where you get spun around on the spot for 30 seconds by your friends, and then made to walk in a straight line while everyone laughs at, Continue reading →

10 Pins in the balloon of travel

Everyone’s always harping on about how great travelling is, how magical, how……’life-affirming’. Bollocks. These people are either trying to sell you something, they’ve forgotten what it was really like, or Continue reading →

Waking up with a spider in your mouth

Yesterday, I ate chocolate so rich, so deep, so goddam SEXUAL, it felt like I was eating something’s soul. Only with the best meat have I felt so sated. If Continue reading →

The Unbearable lightness of pooing

‘I suffer, therefore I am’   What Descartes might have said if he’d been to El Salvador   There was this smart cookie a few years back who proved his Continue reading →

The ‘Guate’ Spa

I recently had the extremely dubious pleasure of my first ‘Gutemalan Spa Experience’, aka ‘Travelling alone, made essentially dumb, deaf, mute and blind by your inability to understand the language Continue reading →

It’s all in the mind

Mind control. That would be cool, wouldn’t it? To be able to focus the mind to a point so sharp you could cut rock with your eyes. Or knock a Continue reading →